I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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