i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
