So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They have beer where we have blood.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
