I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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