so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
