i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
