nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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