You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
