Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
