I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
