Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
