What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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