xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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