Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
