i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
