everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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