my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
