How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
