You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is the high leading the old right now
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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