He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
