What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
