Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
