omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why do cheetos always look like penises
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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