her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I party with great urgency now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
