dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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