im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
