FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
