haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
