This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
