We're like a lot better than the average bears
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
