Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
