my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
