so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
