is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Green mimosas i think yes
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
