When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
