He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
