...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
