I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
