Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
