yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
