Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
