wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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