Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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