On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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