i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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