My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
