How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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