well you can't waste a boner
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
