Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
