All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
