I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
