he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
