i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
